Speech

Speech is more than just saying words. It is having the tongue in the right spot, the brain triggering so many things to do, the practice, the mimicking, and so on.

Eli has qualified for speech. But you say- he is not even two? Well, folks, my son doesn't even point or try to mimic what he wants or tries to tell us. He just cries and cries and cries.

He hears us, and he can easily go get a toy and bring it to us or put a toy in this toy chest when we ask him to pick up, but he can't point and even grunt.

We will be finding out more in the next few weeks, but I am just thankful that we can get started a bit sooner with Eli's speech.

Looks Like Holland

Last week, we had Aiden's open house at pre-school. It was a great experience. We learned a lot. Aiden is in the class with kids that have Autism, have seziures, and have lots of needs. Many of our friends, seem to think he just has a speech issue. It goes beyond it, and it is hard to understand unless you live with us and see him day in and day out. We got home that evening and just shook our heads asking each other, "What is it about our brains and our DNA that didn't mesh? Why didn't we see this coming?"

Fast forward to this week. I took Elijah to his 18 month check-up. It came to the list of questions of does he do this, does he do that. The list of broad, standardized questions that make you start comparing your child to the rest... Elijah only says a few words: dog, banana, stuck, ball, read. He doesn't even address us as momma and dadda. Aiden didn't either.

You start comparing, taking notes...Then we did it again. We asked each other, " What is it about our brains and our DNA that didn't mesh? Why didn't we see this coming?"

So I did as the pediatrician recommended. I called my case worker at CDS. She said, "Oh- you really are taking that trip to Holland." She then told me about this following poem:

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

So, on this journey with Elijah, we will be taking a trip to Holland too! It might be a permanent trip or just a temporary trip, but we will have to not think about our DNA and think about what we can do with Elijah and how we can make the best stay in Holland for him as possible.

Are you and your family in Holland right now? Is it a permanent trip or temporary? How does this poem relate to your family?

Weekend Fun

This past weekend, we didn't have a lot on the calendar to do. We did have a date night for Saturday night which was wonderful. We actually did dinner AND a movie. It was wonderful! But the weather was just stunning for the Columbus holiday long weekend. We were in the high 70's with no humidity. It was nice to be able to wear tank tops and shorts one last time.

We contemplated going to the Fryeburg Fair on Sunday but was told due to the rain earlier in the week, it was packed, hot and over priced. We tossed some ideas around about what we could do that would be a fraction of the cost. This is what we decided to do:





On our way over to the playground, Eli taught us how to chase squirrels!




After playing on the playground, we picked up some yummy goodies at The Cookie Jar. We continued to go down Route 77 to Fort Williams.



I would say it was a success!!!


Tell me, what do you and your family do for frugal fun?!! Write a blog about it and link it up below!

Apple Picking

Nothing says autumn like a trip to the apple orchard. It was also a very warm, humid day. This orchard serves warm, homemade donuts that are just divine! All of us gobbled them right up- an apple cider donut, blueberry donut, and pumpkin donut. My favorite was the blueberry! I must add that all of these were made with ingredients found right on the farm! Yes-folks, we are still able to pick blueberries in September because we have had a warmer end to summer.

My Eighteen Month Old (Sort of)

I say sort of because I in just a few days, Eli will be 19 months old. I feel as though our lives are happening at lightening speed.

Elijah is a funny little boy. He gets into what we call "Crazy mode" where he starts running around and screaming and laughing incredibly hard. It is quite hilarious. He also tends to make these throat noises that I just can't explain.



He is taking after his daddy and his brother with his passion about books. He will turn himself around, back his rear up into you, plop himself down and proclaim his version of the word, "Read." It is absolutely wonderful. One day he was so insistent about reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear that it really sounded like he was saying it really fast. Who knows- maybe he was?!

Look, Daddy, Look!

Sentences are getting stronger!

Aiden is asking more and expressing more. He actually is telling us when he is hungry now. He is engaging us in discussion. Yesterday, when I asked him how his day at school was, he responded, "Good." He now says, "TV Please, I think!" "YAY!"

Now, he is staring to say things that we can't decide where he is going. It is fun to try to figure it out. It is exciting because it means his language is growing, and he is willing to risk and try.

My three and a half year old is now talking like a two to two and a half year old. It feels good!

Way to go little man!!!

What a Difference One Day and Prayer Makes

If only you could hear how happy and excited and thankful I am as I type this!!!!

I got a call today from Aiden's school. They want to have him there for five days a week- not three. They also now have a morning spot, so we can put him in that slot. AND- Speech Therapy is starting on Monday. AND- we have requested for a driver so that my mom (his daycare) doesn't have to do it. AND- he is also getting an OT evaluation as well!

THIS IS HUGE!!! I am so thankful for all of it. He needs it, his memere needs it, his brother needs it and his mommy and daddy need it. His behavior and delays affect all of us. This will also mean that Eli will get one-on-one with his memere and will also get fewer pushes and hits. It also means that Eli will have a more consistent nap time schedule. It also means that Aiden can still get a nap in the afternoon and not be so exhausted which just leads to more fighting, etc. It is so HUGE!!!

I am anxious to go to the school at the end of the month so that we can start to implement the behavior modifications they have been using with him at home so that we are all on the same page.

PHEW!

The weight is lifting people...it is lifting!!!

Maybe The Problem is Me?

Today I am linking up with Shell over at




Even though Aiden has developmental delays, and now that I have two children, I am struggling even more. Monkey see- monkey do. Eli is climbing, so Aiden (the older one) now climbs. Eli doesn't respond to behavior modification. Aiden never did either.

We took a road trip this weekend. A short road trip (meaning two days) of 11 hours in the car. It was fine going out. I packed plenty of books and toys and special treats. The ride back was hell. Aiden had to poop and wouldn't poop on a toilet or in a diaper. (He is 3.5 years old and is terrified of pooping and we can't potty train him or night train him.) Daddy accidentally shut Aiden's finger in the door. So for most of the ride back, Aiden screamed about a throbbing finger or a sore bum.

We got to our event. It was not what we expected but that was okay. But our children can't follow a path and follow others. It turned into a chasing event. It was an art show that took place in a cow field (100+ acres). There was music. Do you think my kids could run and play and dance? No, my kids climbed the car that was in the field and couldn't leave it alone. My kids can't play with toys- they destroy- they didn't want to run through the sprinkler- my oldest screamed as if the thing was trying to murder him. Even after being redirected from things multiple times- they go back. They don't want to play- they want to do the opposite of everything. We were on them constantly- no stop.

Where did we go wrong as parents? I admit- I am so jealous of the parents that have kids that play and respond to redirection. (I spent three days of removing my son off the radiator at our house and giving him a toy and saying no- he never stopped after doing this more than 20+ times a day.) I am fearful of what could be with my 17 month old who isn't taking redirection. Are we on the same path with him as we are with Aiden?

Aiden proceeded to run out of his memere's house and run down the street in the road with 35- 55 mile an hour cars sped past him. Aiden couldn't wait his turn to ride the tractor and burned him thumb.

Please excuse all these rambles but my mind is in a fury. I am starting to feel as though nothing about my life with kids is normal and wondering if it was genetic code or something that we just don't have to make it as parents.

My Boys

Let me introduce you:

This is Aiden. He is 3 and some months. He can be hilarious, trying, testing, and sweet. He makes me tired and then makes me laugh the next minute.



This is Elijah. We tend to call him Eli. He is almost a year and a half. He is a big boy with a huge dare factor. He is the child that will be having me go to the ER every other week. He has the best belly laugh. He is a horrible sleeper too!



This is Russ. On Tuesday, we will be celebrating our 8th wedding anniversary. We have officially been together for 15. He is a funny man---he can be just as trying but he is my guy. I love him to pieces. He and I work well together.



And lastly, in my house of boys, my two dogs: Tugs and Tanner. Tugs is a sweet thing that has to pee every two hours, and Tanner is timid and sweet and is built like a camel. Russ' favorite is Tugs, and he doesn't understand Tanner. I love both of them equally but for different reasons. Tugs is my teddy bear- literally. Tanner- he is just so sweet.

After a Day of School

Aiden is no longer napping on days he has school. So when he gets back from school, he is very tired and hungry. Yesterday, he curled up on the chair outside at my mom's house at fell fast asleep. He woke up briefly to get into the car to go home and was fast asleep!



Isn't that so cute!?!

Update on the day

We went to the party!

We stopped at the mall beforehand, and Aiden wasn't very good! I had put the umbrella stroller behind my car to put it in the trunk...forgot it was there and ran it over! So it meant he had to hold my hand. It didn't go so well.

Party- success! I say this because he did the bounce house for the first time! He was always so scared but not today. I couldn't even get him out of it for lunch. I did eventually!

He was asleep by 7pm...dinner was a bit hard...but it was worth taking him out today. Kept Eli safe and Aiden did something he never dared to do before.

Week 1 of Change

As I am sitting down to type this, my son is in his room, at 10am for probably the 10th time. We are at a lost. This weekend has been horrible. This week has been HARD. I feel like we are the only ones that go through this even though I know that is far from the truth. Dealing with a child with development delays on top of being a typical three year old or mostly at this time, still a two year old (even though he is 3 1/2 years old) is hard. We are frustrated. I actually just sobbed last night in the middle of bath time. Bath time should be fun- NOT HARD!!

This past week-

Aiden had his new school on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday from 1:15 until 4:15. That means he missed his afternoon nap. He needs a nap. He is learning how to live without a nap. We are learning how to live with him without his nap. He had his other preschool on Wednesday in the am. By Thursday night, he was asleep in 5 minutes after leaving his memere's house at 5:15pm. The kid is toast.

All week his word has been no. He turns in the dead weight, limp child who is kicking and screaming. Even when he means to say yes- he says no. Even with signs...this isn't working. Nothing works...nothing motivates him...

On Thursday, Eli had the worst day of his life. He looks like he has been put through a meat grinder and that meat grinder is his brother. Black eye and scratches all over his face.

My prayer every night- that some day, some how, his big brother will hug him and kiss him and play with him and really appreciate him for who he is... his little brother who looks up to him and just wants to play with him.

(And that his language delay and cognitive delay will grow 10 fold this year for everyone's benefit and sanity.)

We are suppose to go to a birthday party at 12:30 today. I am not sure how we are going to do this today. I really would like him to get that nap in before a big week again (this is the last week of his Wednesday summer school program).

Seventeen Months Old

Where does time go???



17 months ago- I had given birth to this little guy.

Now-



I have this adorable, daring, climbing fool, chatter-box of a boy that just cut his upper eye teeth!!!

(Who by the way doesn't like to sleep and who will have us going to the emergency room every other week because of some shenanigan!)

LOVE HIM!

The Aiden That Is...

About a month ago, I took Aiden to a small lake about 45 minutes away. We had an absolute blast! He and I got to spend a ton of one-on-one time together. The best part- a glimpse into the child that I know is ours and will be again. He was so good, so focused, so wonderful. Now- don't get me wrong- Aiden is a wonderful child but when you are constantly refocusing and recorrecting- you begin to feel weathered and tired.

I came home for the lake ecstatic! I couldn't stop talking about all the things Aiden dared to do! He also errs on the side of caution. He dared to put his face in the water, kick, blow bubbles, even dunk his head under! It was a wonderful, wonderful day.

Yesterday, I took Aiden to the school CDS has enrolled him in. I was on the brink of tears the entire time. It felt so good- so right. We are so excited to see more and more glimpses of the Aiden we know is there...

We know it will take time

We know it will take work

We know it will be awesome to watch

We feel very blessed to have the support we get from our family and friends...and now this new school.

So excited!!!!

Babble, Signs, and Words

My little Eli has always been loud. His babble is turning into words. He sort of says dada, dog, stuck, ball, and duck. So, okay, maybe stuck and duck are one and the same- who knows!? Eli has also taken to doing some sign language. He can sign, dog, hat, more, milk, ball, all done, and fish!


Go Elijah!

(He refuses to say mom-ma! Just like his brother! What did I do to deserve that?!)

Pre-School and Other Events

Before I state what has happened in the past few weeks- I just want to say that I am so excited for this weekend. I get to spend the whole weekend with my baby- no daddy- no Aiden- just me and the baby! I am so excited!? Did I say that already? We are going to go for a walk with a friend and spend the day at some family camps...but the rest of the weekend so far is unwritten. I might take advantage of some naps and try to get through my pile of college books that I still have and try to sell them or donate or recycle them or something...not sure yet.

This past weekend, my niece got married, and I made her a wedding cake. It was a four tiered square cake with an extra cake on the side (due to my nervousness and error of removing the cake properly out the first time!). With only a few hiccups, the cake came out great! I was very pleased with the results. She had a beautiful day, and I am so excited that her husband is in our family. I think he is wonderful and sweet!



Aiden started pre-school yesterday. This was the school I had originally signed him up for before I started going through CDS to get him services. CDS agrees with me that this is still a good option for him for socialization and getting him ready. He hasn't been in regular daycare since he was 21 months old. He is now 40 months old. I wasn't sure how Aiden would handle yesterday. Sometimes he can surprise me...but I was the parent with the screaming child. His teacher was really good, and within 10 minutes, he was settled and in the mix. Although, I think he takes after his mom, and he peed 4 times in a 2.5 hour session. Nerves???



Elijah is starting to use more syllables. He still isn't talking but he is making more attempts to get his point across. People always say that the younger one starts to talk sooner because they have someone to copy- and with Aiden being delayed, I am not so sure how that is going to go. Aiden is talking plenty, so it could go either way.



That is the cuteness I get to spend my weekend with!!!!

Let the Skies Open Up and Sing!!!

I am sharing this post at http://thingsicantsay-shell.blogspot.com

Phew! We have some results! So much weight has come off our shoulders!

Monday, we had an appointment to visit with Aiden's case manager at Child Development Services (CDS). I received a call while at the playground. Our case manager was no longer there, and this new case manager received Aiden's file just that morning. She would not be able to conduct a meeting. I was not thrilled with this because Russ and I took Monday off in order to attend this meeting. I also had lined up a sitter so that we could focus on the meeting and get down to business! I expressed my concerns and asked that she note a few of them while she was reading through the files. I told her that I wanted to find out if Aiden could receive services in the next county over because he has daycare and we have our jobs in the next county. It would be a logistical nightmare to have to drive all over creation if he was to get services almost an hour away from daycare, etc. (Just a reminder- my mom takes care of my two boys, and she is 67...so she is already dealing with them and is exhausted.) I also expressed my concern in speech therapy. I wanted to know ASAP if he would be getting services in the fall or in the summer or none at all. I told her that if not, I wanted to know so I could get him into a program myself, and that I was aware of the fact that most likely, CDS would not provide any program until the fall. She took this all down and told me she would call me back in a few hours. I honestly didn't believe her and was quite disappointed that they would until the same day of his appointment to assign him a new case manager.

Fast forward a few hours...after we left the playground, our play dates came over for lunch. My phone had been charging in my bedroom. When our play date ended, I grabbed my phone to go and do an errand. I had two missed calls. Both were from the new case manager. She wanted to meet Aiden as soon as possible and believed from her reports that he needed to be in an extensive program! I was so giddy with excitement. I called her right back. We talked at length and made arrangements for her to meet us the next morning at my mother's house so she could observe Aiden.

Fast forward to Tuesday...our case manager was promptly at the house at 8am. She observed, we made notes, she made sure all the paperwork was complete, and all the while, Aiden had taken apart my mom's screen door, he let himself out of the house without permission, had a temper tantrum and hurt the dog!

The result: Aiden will be getting three days of school (I am assuming half days), and if speech therapy isn't at the school, he will be getting that separately! And...if she can work it, she will make sure that he can attend the summer preschool program I already set up for him as it is only one day a week, and she believes it will be a good social experience for him!

We are thrilled. We are anxious to see how he blossoms and grows and changes! There is always a chance that as his language grows, his other skills may not follow, but we firmly believe only good can come out of this next step!

Step Three- Results

Last Thursday, we had the call with the behavioral psychologist. It was a forty minute call! Russ was suppose to be on the phone with me but with two kids with colds, and the kids not ready for bed, it resulted in me taking the call solo while he dealt with the kids.

In a nutshell:

- He recommends that Aiden be put in a special purpose preschool so that he can have more one-on-one attention to help with his attention and behavior. He doesn't understand boundaries.

- He recommends that we see a behavioral psychologist for behavioral counseling. We need to figure out what is that one thing that will motivate Aiden to correct his behavior.

- He recommends that we do keep him at the preschool we signed him up with for at least the summer program.

- He also recommends speech therapy.

- He stated that on the standardized test, Aiden scored in the top 3-5% for attention which doesn't mean "Woo-Hoo- he can pay attention." It means, he is very likely to be diagnosed with ADHD, which didn't surprise us.

- He recommends after much therapy, he gets re-evaluated. He wants to see if as he language grows, his behavior issues, lack of play and lack of social interaction interest changes. If it doesn't, then he wants Aiden to be tested more to see if he needs a diagnosis of some sort. At his young age of three (very early three, I mean), sometimes language development can delay all of the above...sometimes, it doesn't.

How do we feel about this?! Great! We agree, and we are now just crossing our fingers and saying our prayers that he does get put in these programs, and that we can afford what we need to contribute for him.

Ironically enough, after we called CDS- what a month ago, he started trying to link more words together. This week, he has taken an interest in block building and using his tool belt. First time for everything...and man, they know how to try to prove us wrong when they don't even know they are doing it!

Dang kids!

Mother's Day Present

I am finding it harder and harder to come up with ideas for our parent's for holidays. I feel like all I do is give pictures. I saw this idea online:



I thought it was an excellent idea to capture the moment, and it can be easily replaced every year or so...it was easy and quick! Here is my finished product: (the thread for my hand is an aqua color and can be seen but hard to see in the photo- just click on the photo for a better look)

Step Two and Three of Many in Process

We had Aiden's speech evaluation on Monday. He did perfect. Meaning- he acted and tested the way I wanted him too. I wanted him to be the way he is for us. It sounds horrible, but I really want him to get services so in order for him to get them, I need him to be at his worst! Don't get me wrong, he was trying so hard to be good and for the most part he behaved, but his personality and lack of attention came through.

It was nice of the evaluator to note that she thought it was great how well I follow through when disciplining Aiden. It is so tiring to always follow through but it was nice to get it noticed.

My mother got the call from the behavioral psychologist this am as well. Do I sink my head in shame when he says to her, "God Bless you," when he was referring to how she has provided daycare for him for most of his life or do I laugh because and smile with glee because he recognizes what we deal with???

Case in point- Aiden is three and knows there are certain things he shouldn't touch. You say but he is three. Well, I have friends that can keep their phones on end tables or on the wall, and their children or child does not play with it. With Aiden- you have to baby proof everything in sight because he just can't resist. He climbed up and got ahold of a Sharpie and wrote all over my mother's rug, wall, oak table, window and window sill yesterday...

The day before, he unlocked the door and went outside where traffic speeds up to 50 or more in a 35 mph zone.

STRESS!!!!!

Great Gift Idea

Looking to do something different for your hubby this father's day??? Or for an anniversary or birthday??? Hire me to make a video for you! Regardless of time spent- it is a flat rate of $40 with a custom label on your DVD. I will ship it to you or deliver it to you. I just need you to get me the photos you want to use. If you have special music, you can send me a file or let me borrow the CD...or I can download it. I will work with you to make a special video for your special someone. Here is a video I created for my husband for his second father's day...The one I made for last year won't post- I guess it is too big- over 17 minutes long! I have made these videos for each Father's day as well as for our 10 year anniversary. I have also made these for close friends as a special way to say, "I care about us and cherish our friendship."

Step One of Many In Process...

Aiden had his assessment with the behavioral psychologist yesterday. The doctor went through our own personal history, Aiden's health history, daycare history, etc. Then Russ and E went into the waiting room, while I observed Aiden interact with the doctor. He used Connect Four to get him engaged and get him talking. Aiden quickly lost interest and the doctor took out a playhouse for them to play with. Again, Aiden quickly lost interest when he saw a Sesame Street game. This went on like this with every activity. which didn't surprise me.

Russ and I still have more assessment forms to fill out and mail back. The doctor is going to call my mother since she is the daycare provider, and then we have a call next Thursday evening to hear his report.

His initial feelings- he feels Aiden is very speech delayed and he is concerned about him going into preschool without anyone giving him one-on-one time.

My mind is swimming with thoughts, and I already feel drained. What does this all mean??? I know we are doing the right thing so I am not questioning that---just wondering what else will be determined and how we go from here.

It was interesting because the doctor asked us what we wanted out of this evaluation. We told him we were not sure what we could get out of it but we wanted to know why our child isn't motivated to learn how to talk, why he isn't motivated by any stimuli to change his behavior using both negative reinforcements or positive reinforcements. Why does our child not like to play?

I am anxious to hear his thoughts...

Popsicles!

Eating rules for babies and toddlers- throw the handbook out on Eli! He was eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches at 11 months old! (Maybe even 10 months old!)

Well, I buy these great little Popsicles to bride Aiden with to finish dinner- they are the Mighty Minis by Popsicle brand or something like that. They are ultra small, and they don't drip much because they put a bit of gelatin in them.



A few Sundays ago, Aiden was napping, I was outside doing yard work, and Russ was inside with Eli. I happened to go in for something, and Russ just pulled a creamsicle out of the freezer. Well, Eli made it clear that he wanted one. He anchored his feet, stretched his arms straight down and screeched- letting us know that he wanted on too, Dang it!

I suggested to Russ to take Eli outside on the steps to eat the Popsicles together... here are some photos of that great moment shared between Daddy and son...

Looking Back and Looking Forward

Easter day- We had a great morning, and we were only off by our regular schedule by half an hour. (Aiden thrives on schedule.) All of the running around at Aunt KK's and Uncle Tim's exhausted Aiden, and he was immediately asleep in the car. He woke up when we pulled into the driveway, and he wouldn't go back to sleep. He kept getting out of bed. He pooped twice, had to pee, etc. He threw such a fit that he screamed for 20 minutes and foamed at the mouth! Russ and I felt like failures. Aiden is getting more and more frustrated. We had been celebrating all of his accomplishments, but in reality, his accomplishments in speech and some cognitive areas are way behind. He is very smart- don't get me wrong, but he has just started building sentences and the phrases, "I love you" and "good night" were the only phrases for months.

On Monday am, we decided we had really had enough of Aiden's physical abuse towards his brother. Eli is a scratching post for Aiden. We had enough of the fits. I had emailed Aiden's previous case manager at Child Development Services a week prior without hearing anything back. (Turns out he doesn't work there anymore.) If you recall, he didn't qualify for services because he just squeaked by. If you don't remember, you can read all about it here
. And the results of his day here. I called his pediatrician and asked them for help. I asked for speech referrals and behavior specialist referrals. They called CDS for me, and we learned that the behavior specialists around us are all booked a year out! Nuts, huh?! Well, the past few weeks have concluded in three up-coming appointments, and we will learn if he qualifies for anything. If not, we will be on our own and through private insurance (which doesn't cover most of the services we are looking to get for Aiden). I also learned that CDS doesn't provide services to kiddos during the summer unless they have already had services and shown that they regress. So...no matter what- we will be putting Aiden in speech therapy for the summer.

Ironically enough, Aiden started building sentences last week and has been putting more words together- regardless, he will show that he is behind---but again, I am afraid of him just squeaking by...

It has been hard for me to blog about this. Russ and I have tried so hard to work with Aiden, and we are constantly on him with his behavior. We feel like it is our fault that nothing motivates him and that he is so carefree. Everything just rolls off of that kid, and negative reinforcement, positive reinforcement, etc just hasn't worked. We are frustrated...we wonder what we have done wrong. You might say we didn't, and deep down we know that...but honestly, we feel the way we do because we love him and want the best for him. We feel like we lacked in something in raising him...we wonder...we worry...we are parents.

Hangin' With My Boyee!

We had a good dinner!!


We had chicken, squash, green beans, and ravioli.



After a nice bath, we played for a bit.



Then I got some good cuddles while he finished up his bottle. By 7:45, he was sound asleep. My hour and forty-five minutes of alone time went by quickly. They were wonderful. I love my little boy. He is as sweet as sweet can be.

BTW- Aiden was so excited about the circus. He seemed to have enjoyed himself! He got to have cotton candy for the first time and loved it! Smart boy!

My Baby, Eli

I have a 13 month old- did you know that? I didn't! No, I really do know but I feel like I barely know him. (BTW- he is walking!) I have been struggling with this feeling for months now. Just recently after talking to Russ about this, wouldn't you know, this article showed up on Twitter:

http://www.parents.com/advice/parenting/better-parenting/how-can-i-deal-with-the-guilt-of-not-being-able-to-spend-as-much-time-with-my-second-child/

Now, it isn't exactly my case in that the youngest is already talking, but it still drives home the same ideas Russ and I came up with- dividing up the time. This might seem like an obvious idea but honestly, Aiden is very demanding of me. He is finally starting to get comfortable with the idea that Russ can put him to bed too. With us working, there is a very small window of time that we get with the kids that isn't revolved around tasks like dinner, bath and bedtime. We all sit down to eat together, I give the boys baths, Russ gets them dressed, and usually, we both play with the kids. Eli prefers his daddy for his bottle, and Aiden prefers I bring him to bed. I feel like Eli gravitates towards Russ because often, Aiden is not well behaved these days, so I am doing one on one activities in the kitchen with him to keep him from hurting his brother. In the end, it is hurting my time with Eli.

Tonight, Russ is taking Aiden to the circus. I am jealous in that I won't be able to see how excited he gets or how he reacts to the clowns, but I also am excited because I get to have a few hours of one-on-one time with Elijah.



BTW- I tried to find a recent picture of me with Elijah but not one has been taken in months and months!

More Sponge Proof

Aiden is obsessed with this book:



We went to the library on Saturday to see if it was available. It was not, so instead, we got two other books by the same author. He proceeded to rip one of them up on Sunday am...but my point is this. All he kept asking for was, "Moose, muffin." (I had purchased it on Amazon but it hadn't come in yet and other similar books were being used as brides to poop on the potty. Apparently only Moose, Muffin holds some weight with him.)

Anyways, he wouldn't stop asking for it, even when I explained over and over again that we have to share books and that someone else was reading it. I got so frustrated with him, I asked him to drop it!

Well, I used that phrase again apparently, and later in the day when I asked him what I said, (expecting him to say that he had to share) he responded, "Drop it!"

Currently, he says, "Moose, muffin. Drop it." Not just once, but over and over again. Thank goodness I didn't say anything else. I am anxious for him to use it in the right context when I ask about something else. Then I can laugh at myself for teaching him this new phrase, right???

Sponges

"They" say that the child's brain is like a sponge and absorbs more than you may realize.

Well, my child's sponge absorbed the word or what sounded like the word bitch, and what is even more amazing is that he knew in what context to use this word. Hmph...where did he learn this?

Let me give you the story.

Sunday

Waking up to the sounds of Aiden on the monitor saying, "Rip it. Rip it." I awoke in fear and shook Russ because I was so afraid it was his library book and insisted that he go look.

Confirmed- library book ripped.

Two hours later, we are in the car returning the books to the library. Run errands at Lowe's and Target. We, Aiden and I, head over to TJMaxx. My mission- find a pair of red pants for Eli for Easter. (I know- it sounds strange but I found this awesome gray blazer that has a guitar stiched in red on it, and I wanted to find a pair of red pants to match.)

I asked Aiden to look at a book so that he would stay put. At that point, I realized my first misatke was not using a cart. Then, I learned my second mistake. When I couldn't find any pants, I asked Aiden to put the book back so that we could leave. Uh Oh! FULL BLOWN TANTRUM!!! The kicking, the screaming, the crying, the pinching, the hitting and him yelling, "Bitch!" as I am pulling him, carrying him, etc out of the store. I wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

Later, we drive to my mom's to drop off outside play toys for them to use during the week. I ask my mom to watch what she says. She says that she doesn't say that word. Between you, me and this blog, her favorite sayings are as follows: Jesus, Mary and Joseph and Son of a Bitch. I said okay and dropped the subject.

Proceed to yesterday:

Dropped the kids off at her house and while there, she was trying to close a shade. It wasn't working. She hollared, "Son of a Bitch!" She gasped and covered her mouth.

Enough said.

:-)

It Was Just the Boys...

You know when you leave your family, you think of all the things that can't be forgotten or else it just won't be the same or right (even though deep down you know it will all be okay), and you think about all the things that need to be done...

You get where I am going, right?? Well, I got up at 3:45 yesterday morning to get ready for my 6am flight to NY. Started off with a cold shower! We ran out of oil. STUPID!!! So that was a good way for me to start my day. After that though, my day was just fine and uneventful.



Well, something did go wrong and it all ended up being okay. Poor Eli woke up with a cold yesterday, and then last night, he cut his chin. He couldn't catch a break. Russ had to deal with a very fussy baby. He had to figure out how to bleed the lines of the furnace to get heat and hot water. He has done it. I knew he could but the poor guy had a lot of road bumps last night.

I just called him this am to see how his morning went. Russ took a shower, and Aiden proceeded to empty the entire tissue box. One more road bump.

I think he is excited for me to come home. I am not sure I can leave this wonderful shower that is in my hotel room! Ha! Just kidding. I can't wait to go home and be with my boys!

PS- Apparently on the way into the house last night, Aiden tripped and hit his nose resulting in his first nose bleed!

Every Day is Ground Hog's Day

Structure is very important for kids and babies. I get it; I live it! Aiden thrives on it, and Eli is starting to fit the mold of it as well. But I am miserable. I feel miserable. I love my kids; I love my kids; I do- I really do! But, I am tired. Every day is the same. We get up, have milk, change diapers, go the bathroom, take the dogs out, get dressed, get them out the door, make tonight's dinner, take my own shower, and off to work I go. Work all day. Come home to my children's' worst time of day as we rush to get dinner on the table, fight Aiden to eat, and then bath time...then wind down time and then bedtime. At this point, as I walk down the stairs after putting Aiden down, it is anywhere between 8:20 and 8:45...and Russ and I may or may not have even given each other a hi, how are you kiss. By this time, I don't want to turn on a computer to catch up on personal emails or even do some online shopping. I don't want to organize the millions of recipes I have printed online or paint the trim in my kitchen. Because honestly, then the weekend comes, and I have two kids to take grocery shopping and get the house clean...and maybe find a few hours for play time.

This may all sound like I hate my life or that I am complaining because I have kids and don't appreciate them- trust me. I could have possibly never had children due to my stroke. I am thankful for them. But lately, the same day in and day out with very few moments of personal time, husband wife time or even pleasant moments with my kids because of the constant fighting and inappropriate touching or throwing or whatever other chaos going on.... (that is a horrible sentence that I can't even fix)- my point is- I can't wait for Aiden to learn to love his brother- I can't wait for Eli to be walking and to pinch his brother back- I can't wait until I can actually ask someone to watch the kids for one night- just once- to be selfish- and honestly, I don't' think it is very selfish of me to take care of me for one day. That will make me a better mom, right?

Breast, Breast, Breast! (And more embarassing moments as a parent!)

Just in this past week, I have had two moments of utter embarrassment.

One- took Aiden to Kohl's where he proceeded to scream, "Breast! Breast! Breast!" as we went past the bra department. There was a man standing there just looking at me as I just stayed silent trying to get us past there as quick as I could.

Two- took Eli to his one year checkup. I got the worst nosebleed of my life it seemed yesterday. It wouldn't stop. I had to pack my nose, try to undress my child to be weighed and mesaured all while keep tissue packed...it looked cute, I am sure. I was pretty self-conscious!

Do you have any embarassing moments with your baby or toddler???

Pooping, Bribes and Popsicles

It is amazing to me how a bribe will always work for Aiden. He is currently working on potty training, and this week, he is starting to finally do number two on the potty. All it takes is a bribe of getting to go down to the park and play on the swings! Remember- we are in Maine...it has been so cold, and we have had so much snow that going the playground hasn't been an option for a long, long time. What an easy bribe!

Oh- and chocolate always works too!

Last night, we used popsicles for him to finish his dinner. The most surprising thing- Aiden actually formed a sentence!!! He said, "Daddy, milk please." For him, that is a HUGE step! And the finale, Eli, at age one and 11 days, ate a popsicle, and only had one drip on his high chair! He amazes me!

I Belong on Food Network

We are in the process of redoing our kitchen. Russ and I have been struggling with how we wanted to organize our spices. It is amazing how much space they take up! We contemplated getting round tins and put magnets on the back and mount them either underneath and along the cabinets OR taking a piece of metal and making a piece of "wall art." Instead, we decided to get square tins with clear tops and put them all in ONE drawer. I made labels with clear return address labels...and this is our process:





We are very happy with our new spice drawer. I feel professional; I feel like the chefs on Food Network~! Ha! I think we will like it more and feel more organized when the last bits of this remodel are done, so we can really put things were we want. I still haven't hung up the paper towel holder yet because aren't sure where we want things and don't want to hang it up yet until the work is all done...

My Baby Baby Turned One

Where has time gone? I just had Eli. And now- he is one! Man, oh man! We had his birthday with Aiden the week before his birthday, but on his birthday, I made homemade meatballs, we got him a little cake and a small present to celebrate his big ONE!





Eli is such a different child than Aiden, and I don't mean that negatively. It is amazing how well they interact and how horrible they interact. Aiden is such a good sleepr; Eli is so horrible. I am anxious to see how they bloom, and the people they become. I keep reminding myself that I can compare for development stones but that they are different people. He is so close to walking. I can't wait to see how fast he runs; his crawling is so fast now!

My Baby Turned Three

He is growing up so fast...he is potty training, talking more, and gets cuter by the day with his words. He loves running around nakes...and is sweet and mean all in same second. We were going to take him out on his birthday to a fun activity place but Eli got sick...so I, gasp, went out and bought a cake.





We bought him this little radio that plays music, and for days, he carried it around wherever he went. I think he liked it!!!

The Holidays and Time

WOW!!! Where has the time gone and how come I haven't posted a single thing! Phew!

Here are some highlights from our holiday:


Aiden didn't enjoy Santa- although if you ask him what Santa says...he says, "Ho, ho!"


Eli thought grabbing Santa's beard was a blast!


We made sugar cookies!


Eli enjoyed chewing on any paper he could find!