Structure is very important for kids and babies. I get it; I live it! Aiden thrives on it, and Eli is starting to fit the mold of it as well. But I am miserable. I feel miserable. I love my kids; I love my kids; I do- I really do! But, I am tired. Every day is the same. We get up, have milk, change diapers, go the bathroom, take the dogs out, get dressed, get them out the door, make tonight's dinner, take my own shower, and off to work I go. Work all day. Come home to my children's' worst time of day as we rush to get dinner on the table, fight Aiden to eat, and then bath time...then wind down time and then bedtime. At this point, as I walk down the stairs after putting Aiden down, it is anywhere between 8:20 and 8:45...and Russ and I may or may not have even given each other a hi, how are you kiss. By this time, I don't want to turn on a computer to catch up on personal emails or even do some online shopping. I don't want to organize the millions of recipes I have printed online or paint the trim in my kitchen. Because honestly, then the weekend comes, and I have two kids to take grocery shopping and get the house clean...and maybe find a few hours for play time.
This may all sound like I hate my life or that I am complaining because I have kids and don't appreciate them- trust me. I could have possibly never had children due to my stroke. I am thankful for them. But lately, the same day in and day out with very few moments of personal time, husband wife time or even pleasant moments with my kids because of the constant fighting and inappropriate touching or throwing or whatever other chaos going on.... (that is a horrible sentence that I can't even fix)- my point is- I can't wait for Aiden to learn to love his brother- I can't wait for Eli to be walking and to pinch his brother back- I can't wait until I can actually ask someone to watch the kids for one night- just once- to be selfish- and honestly, I don't' think it is very selfish of me to take care of me for one day. That will make me a better mom, right?
3 comments:
Oh, Denise. I wish I had something to say to make it better, but I'm in the same boat. OF COURSE we love our kids and would do anything for them. But you are a human being and need some time now and then. Would it be possible sometime to send them to childcare and take a 'mental health day' at work? I know you need to save those days, but..... or trade childcare with some other parents on a weekend? If we didn't live so far away, I would offer. Or could you and Russ trade on the weekend so you can each get some time? But the take-home message is: yes. You need to take care of you. It's not selfish; it's essential. And yes, you will be a better mom for it. You know the saying: If Mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!
I completely agree with Liz, Denise. I am in the same boat as well, as are several of my friends. I have a hard enough time just with Matthew, let alone having to deal with two young children. You are an amazing mom and you should not feel guilty at all for wanting some down time. It's essential for sanity. I've been at the point recently that I'm even dreading going home because I just don't want to deal with the "routine". It's exhausting. I wish there was an easy answer, more hours in the day, a free nanny to help out....but it's up to us to take care of ourselves. Maybe we need to start doing a girls night once a month or something. Just for a break and something to look forward to.
I think every wife/mother feels this way at some point. I know I do! I LOVE my kids but I would love to have a me day! Heck, I'd settle for a full night of sleep! Hang in there!
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