Even though Aiden has developmental delays, and now that I have two children, I am struggling even more. Monkey see- monkey do. Eli is climbing, so Aiden (the older one) now climbs. Eli doesn't respond to behavior modification. Aiden never did either.
We took a road trip this weekend. A short road trip (meaning two days) of 11 hours in the car. It was fine going out. I packed plenty of books and toys and special treats. The ride back was hell. Aiden had to poop and wouldn't poop on a toilet or in a diaper. (He is 3.5 years old and is terrified of pooping and we can't potty train him or night train him.) Daddy accidentally shut Aiden's finger in the door. So for most of the ride back, Aiden screamed about a throbbing finger or a sore bum.
We got to our event. It was not what we expected but that was okay. But our children can't follow a path and follow others. It turned into a chasing event. It was an art show that took place in a cow field (100+ acres). There was music. Do you think my kids could run and play and dance? No, my kids climbed the car that was in the field and couldn't leave it alone. My kids can't play with toys- they destroy- they didn't want to run through the sprinkler- my oldest screamed as if the thing was trying to murder him. Even after being redirected from things multiple times- they go back. They don't want to play- they want to do the opposite of everything. We were on them constantly- no stop.
Where did we go wrong as parents? I admit- I am so jealous of the parents that have kids that play and respond to redirection. (I spent three days of removing my son off the radiator at our house and giving him a toy and saying no- he never stopped after doing this more than 20+ times a day.) I am fearful of what could be with my 17 month old who isn't taking redirection. Are we on the same path with him as we are with Aiden?
Aiden proceeded to run out of his memere's house and run down the street in the road with 35- 55 mile an hour cars sped past him. Aiden couldn't wait his turn to ride the tractor and burned him thumb.
Please excuse all these rambles but my mind is in a fury. I am starting to feel as though nothing about my life with kids is normal and wondering if it was genetic code or something that we just don't have to make it as parents.
6 comments:
Oh, Denise. You need to know that this is nothing you have done wrong. You are a good mama, and trust me, there are plenty of parents out there who do a terrible job and their kids miraculously turn out normal. And plenty of wonderful parents whose kids have difficulties. I believe it's just luck of the draw, unfortunately. And remember, too, that at least part of this is normal. My guys often don't take redirection if they're REALLY into something. And with Eli, it may just be normal 17-month-old stuff; I know at 17 months, our guys didn't take redirection well at all.
Anyway, I hope this is helpful. I wish I had answers to give you. What I'm trying to say is that you have not caused this, and you are doing a wonderful job taking care of your beautiful boys. Hugs, mama.
Eli is being his age, and Aiden is taking advantage of the fact that Eli doesn't know any better.
You and Russ are amazing.
Seriously.
We do not do so many things because we do not like to chase after our children. Going out to restaurants is not fun. Most family events are not fun, because it's a new environment, and that means we are following one or both of them the whole time.
*hugs*
You WILL come out the other side of this.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
When I'm out with my kids, I tend to notice all the crazy they do... and then notice the other kids who are having good moments.
It's can't really be like that, though. All kids have their good and bad moments.
And all of us parents have our tough moments.
You are not alone. Our youngest has developmental delays - to put it mildly.... And he "gets away" with a lot that the older 2 don't. SOOOOOOOO - the older 2 try my patience every.single.day. seriously. Tonight Andrew did a nose dive off the couch into the end table / floor / end table with his FACE 3 times. I mean... didn't he learn the first time? The age is trying. The delays are trying. The "equity" is trying. Have you looked into a compression vest for your older one? it gives compression "input" and can help with children who NEED to have extra stimulation. Anyway - good luck. you are not alone. Kristen@ www.alittlesomethingforme.com
@ Garden Variety Mama- Thank you. It just feels like 90% of the time is awful and all I see is other kids who actually play, use imaginations and have fun.
@ Meredith- Your faith is amazing!
@ Shell- Your simple words- tough moments- so true! I am having that moment right now.
@ Kristen- Does your child who uses the compression vest like to be touched or hugged? Aiden struggles with being restrained and wonder if the vest would make him freak out.
I've been there and it is so hard to do anything when you have a kid who has any issues. If you need help finding what works for him ask his school for help. They have tools that work and can help you with suggestions and ideas on how to get him to listen (in our school it's called "comply) They learn early on what he does and why he does it. There are a ton of things you can do to help.
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